Monday, 28 February 2011

Hapus Dydd Gŵyl Dewi

By accident I realised that tomorrow is a holiday in Wales, St David's Day

Just One

And blinkin' flip, but hooray. It has been doing my head in for ages that I recieved 1 copy of most mail that I send but 2 copies of every mail I send to Ixion. So tonight I had another bit of trying to rearrange and I didn't say "No mail" but a few down it sez "Receive your own posts to the list" which today I realised means an extra posting to me, so I changed it to NO and now I just get every post once.

Sloe Gin

Well.... I have ordered delivery of a bottle of Sloe Gin which I am expecting tomorrow. So in the shops today I bought a bottle of Tonic water to go with it. Fairy nuff. Now tonight a MOS came round and said "Ralph next door said you would want this" and handed me a bottle of home-made Sloe Gin that they made last summer
And on reflection it is delicious straight.
No Neil, calm down....

Ta, Well Taught

So I got my shopping from this morning out and set it on the table. There was a new jar of Pickles which was too tight to open. So I got out my opening jars device but the lid of the pickle was too big to go in. I thought "Oh" and was just about to shout for help when I recalled whay a MOS had shown my t'other week. So I got a knife out, kind of half pushed it under the sealed lid then took it out and tried again. Wow, what a difference, I could now open it easily

Morrisons

(Sigh) Did my shopping s'morning...... now awaiting Sarah the OT to come and cook with me tomorrow

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Washed My Back

And I have just had a shower and washed my back with that new device, better than last time and then dried off my toes with a different bit of it.
VERY VERY HAPPY CHAPPY

My Neck

And a MOS was just in my room for a bit, as she was leaving she said "Lemme look at your neck". So as I can't see it I was nervous, hoped the Calendula Creme will have worked, she looked and said "Wow, it's completely better"

Eugh

And I got up s'morning, had to go back to sitting on my bed to tighten my splint, then I was glancing at The Observer before I had my breakfast and then went "Eugh" rather loudly

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Sloe Gin

I was just having a look on Amazon and unexpectedly I found some Sloe Gin. So waiting now..... And it's Organic too.

VBG

Books

So I had been reading more short stories, as I couldn't cope with my 3 volume SF tale, but a few days ago another book arrived, one which had been recommended by IXION, a tale of the RAF flying miles to make the Falklands stay British and I am enjoying it a great deal, I think it is now "my current book"

Biggest, longest, walk in nearly 8 years

Now up 'til today the furthest that I had walked had been 2 up and down our street. Today I walked 3 times full length there and back
I am still a bit proud...

Fixed it

So on my webpage I had 2 photos next to each other, so when you scrolled down it looked like there was just one pic for ages. Then after much humming and hawing I was just about to buzz for help and say I don't suppose there is a web designer on the premises today, but in the last few minutes before I did that I discovered what I needed to do to move the picture upwards and it looks a bit more sensible now
So 'vspace="xxx"' was the new command that I have learnt about today

Friday, 25 February 2011

Excited

So I am gonna have a shower tonight and this time I am gonna try out my back washer, try and scrub myself with the big brush
And big WOW, it f**king works, it is the first time my shoulders have been washed since I stopped needing help to wash.I can wash the top half of my back with "it" and reach the rest of my back freehand.
VBG

DVLA

So even tho the DVLA have said that I can't drive for now I did an official DVLA practice theory test. I did it in about 1/3 of the time allocated and score 100%. Obviously some part of my brain still works
But I failed the second test, only 41 out of 50

Woe is me (again)

And I began to realise how fu*ked my eyes must be
But I started another game, with twisting my head/neck around from the first go and it worked this time
I WON

Stories

So I am bored trying to read the (new) long story that I have so I started reading another book of short stories. The first story impressed me so much that I had to scan it and make it available for all you lot to read

My Memory

Well, my medium term memory seems to be getting better. Every time I open the bank I have to type in the password and then a few letters from the remembered fact. Usually I had to look up the password on my "secret" file but I could remember the more obvious to me remembered fact. But it seems that the last 2 or 3 times I did it I remembered the password too

Woe is me

I got a letter from the DVLA s'morning telling me I can't see well enough to drive, ATbleedin'M

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Busy

So in about an hour the first Taxi is coming to take me to Priory Day Hospital to take back my new too small splint and change it for one that actually fits me.
WOW, I have the new splint now and it feels so much "Pulling my ankle tightly" than the old one did
After that I am going to Caffi Iechyd Da for the Folk Night and dinner etc. I thought I was getting a lift but her car is broken ATM so I will have to pay for my accompaniers taxi too
But WOW wasn't it excellent tonight, I am a bit too drunk to type more but just WOW
I am relatively pleased that someone is accompanying me, I thought I was gonna have to go on my own but "they" have asked someone to work a very strange work pattern today so they can accompany me

(Sigh)

I didn't go to bed until 2 AM last night and I still woke up and got up at a quarter to nine s'morning
(/S)
S'pose that was a lie in, I didn't wake up at a quarter to eight

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Washing and Drying

Well I had a shower today and as usual was struggling to wash my back. Afterwards I got dried, used my toe drier which was easier today but then I noticed ¾ of the way twixt my handle and the 'drying' sponge was another 'cleaning' bit. If I had noticed earlier I would have had to take off the 'drying sponge' temporarily then washed my back with the other brushy bit.

Och well, next time, but it did prove easier

Baldy

Someone cut my hair for me today but they insisted that I have a shave too

(Mouseable now)

Disabled Loo's

So this morning the posty brought me a) A change of my dental appointment, this one is sooner!!, and b) My key for disabled toilets around the country and a book telling me where they are

So

So I got up s'morning, put back on the socks I had only been wearing for a couple of hours last night, then breakfasted, then phoned the Taxi company and booked 2 for tomorrow. (sigh) tomorrow after lunch I need to take my new splint back and have the size readjusted then in the evening I am going to the Folk Club in Carmarthen.
Then I will brush my teeth for s'morning
Change~Of~Plan

"Someone" told me that Jackie is working tomorrow after all and she has permission to take me to the Folk Club in her car, so I phoned back and cancelled one taxi

(Grin)

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Wow

And tonight, for the first time, I tried out my new "toe drier" And WOW it works. Tonight I had my shower, got dried, got dressed and was able to put boots on straight away, like I haven't been able to do for some years

Busy 3

After all that I had to try again putting a link from part of a picture and I managed it on Sarah. So you can now magnify part of the picture and see what it is

Busy 2

Then the lovely Sarah the OT came to see me. I still can't decide whether OT stands for Off Topic or Occupational Therapist. Anyway she assessed my memory and I was actually surprised at how well I did etc. Next week she is gonna get some extra ingredients for me and watch me cook Falafel for me and Freya next Tuesday afternoon

Busy 1

Well much earlier today, much earlier than usual but she is on a half term week, that beautiful Freya chick came over to see me. After some txt issues 'cos she was waiting for a bus that didn't come etc. Eventually she got here and paid me some attention and my technology some attention. But what can we say to each other, I am glad to see her getting bigger and she is pleased to see me getting better

"It's light better get up"

So I woke up, thought "It's light better get up" got up, got dressed &c, finally managed to look at my watch and it was only 7.30AM. This post-solstice light is still doing my head in a bit

Monday, 21 February 2011

Headway

And we went out to Headway for a monthly meeting but they had no guest speaker tonight so it was sort out lots of arrangements &c

Parcel

The postman came before I got up s'morning and delivered 2 letters. Later a MOS came up with 3 parcels that he had left in number 7. Dunno why, perhaps he realised my lights were still off. Anyway 1 parcel was my new wash AND DRY your toes device so hopefully I can dry my toes on my right foot now. 2 other parcels were new speakers and wire for my PC. Good lord, I hadn't realized how sh*t the sound had become but now I can listen to it happily.
Because a MOS fitted them for me, I couldn't

Walkies, HUGE

Well, in the past the furthest I have walked was once up and down the street without stopping, today I did it twice, from one end to the other and back and back and back again, the furthest I have walked in nearly 8 years.

(PROUD)

Shopping

Well I went shopping by taxi s'morning as I need to pay more on transport, got everything I need and some, then phoned a taxi, she said "It will be 20 minutes" I said "I'll wait". 2 more phone calls and it was in the end 47 minutes after I phoned my taxi that it finally arrived

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Spelling Mistake

Just now I was reading my BLOG and I noticed a spelling mistake that I had made. BUT unusually this spelling mistake made another proper word, like mUst instead of mOst, so the flashing red light "You've made a mistake" thing wasn't flashing so I hadn't noticed it

Sh*t

Oh dear, my head is in bits. On one level everyone is telling me how well I am doing &c but on the other hand I feel trapped, unable to drive, walk very far &c.

Lunchtime

And we were taken out as a treat today. Mmmm it was nice.
And we went most of the way to Whitland to get there, I used to drive there to work, pick up a van then drive to Carmarthen on my way out
And in some respects it made me think.... by most peoples standards I am very unhealthy but compared to the other 3 residents who were out with us I am very well...
Apart from everything else I was the only person sitting on a proper chair the other 3 'clients' who were there in their wheel-chairs

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Out To Play

And I went out to the pub last night....

Scar

Well my new Calendula creme seems to be making my neck better. But today I was putting some on with my hand, thought "What's that under-finger?" had to ask a MOS as I can't see, but he agreed with me, I have got a big scar on my shoulder. Which wasn't there before my crash.

Short Term Memory Gain

So s'morning I thought "Oh, add some sweets to my shopping list. Oh, what did you call those sweets I last bought 3 weeks ago?...... erm...... Ah, they were Morrisons own Chocolate Coated Raisins". So my memory is a bit f*cked but I can remember some newer stuff

Friday, 18 February 2011

Face Cloths

And one thing Denyse said it that my habit of washing my bum first in the shower was unhygienic so now I have two face cloths, 1 for "Bottom" etc and 1 for "The Rest Of Me"

HTH

Denyse

After Denyse took me to the opticians she was here sorting out a timetable for support staff &c for about 3 hours. It was mad having it straight after my eye test but I think she was trying to find ways around my difficulties.
Which I can't be positive about as I wish I still had a life but she is trying to no end to help me find a plan b

Eye Test

Oh dear, having had my visual fields tested (so I now know what they are) I think I can say that my vision is f**ked.
Dunno whether the DVLA will keep my license or retest some stuff, but just sh*t

Short Term Memory Loss

Apparently my short term memory is a bit f**ked.... so.....
Today I remembered that the gorgeous Denyse woman is coming to take me out today after lunch. But I couldn't remember where she was taking me, I had to look on here to REfind out

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Tai Chi

Went to Tai Chi again. It seemed strange because the exercises we were doing seemed small but a combination was really hard work. "He" said "Yes, because we...." so he knew and expected that

Awww

And today I went and had lunch with that Ruth chick and it was good in so many ways. 1) I got to sit opposite a beautiful woman, 2) I had some (and therefore REremembered) some Falafel, 3) I had to tell them to tell whoever made the carrot cake that we had for pudding that I want to marry them.
And I got to buy that Ruth lunch.....

Clippers

One of the nails on my left hand was getting a bit long, usually I bite them but I thought "Lets see if my right hand is well enough to clip". In the end it was but I had to experiment, move the clippers &c but I managed in the end

Splinting

So this morning I tried to put on my new splint that arrived through the post yesterday or the day before. But the flippin' thing is much too small, it won't go around my ankle. As I couldn't remember the person's name that sent me I had to Phone Priory Day Hospital asd was put through loads of numbers to no avail. Then half an hour later someone phoned me back and said "Ah, it was him, I will leave a note for him"

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Lunch Tomorrow

So tomorrow I am going to a Café in Carmarthen with that Ruth to buy her lunch

Well

What a strange day, I have nowt on, for the first time in ages and the last day for ages. Part of me thinks "Phew ~ relax" and another part of me thinks "Bored".
And I have just reset the PC to try to make it record again but that still won't work. Ho hum

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Visitor

Then after my hectic morning my beautiful daughter came to see me. She wasn't too stroppy teenager today so we actually had a much nicer time than I was fearing, as I was too exhausted to do much

Chewing

And at lunchtime today, for the first time since I was at the dentist t'other day I was able to chew food with both sides of my mouth!!

Dr

So the Dr came to assess me s'morning for my case. Gosh it was hard, he was mainly testing my memory which was a bit unpleasant from my point of view.
This was a scarier incident than it sounds like from here
We generally did it, as scary and unpleasant as you like

Monday, 14 February 2011

Visiting AGAIN

And tonight my father and sister came over to be here in't morning to see my assessor
AND we went out for dinner again tonight and I had Aubergine with cous cous which was "not chewable" enough that I enjoyed it

Morning

So this morning first of all I had to take a taxi to the dentist. When he had finished taking my stump broken tooth out I had to take another taxi to the f***ing supermarket, then after shopping I had to take a third taxi home again
And earlier I couldn't be bothered reading on my 'puter, I think I needed distracting but now I can, my tooth is a bit better

Sleep is for the weak

So last night I had to get up at 3.10AM to stop the tumble dryer beeping 'cos it was finished. This morning I was up and dressed and put my splint on before 8 o'clock.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Nervous

I am slightly nervous now 'cos in't morning I get up, eat etc, go to the dentist in a taxi, have treatment, then get another taxi to supermarket, buy loads of food etc then come back here in another taxi

Shirt Crisis

I had a shower earlier and was putting on my shirt when one of the buttons came off. So I picked it up, went around to get another shirt out, got dressed etc,. Then I went asking for help, I said "Help" to some chap, he said "No, my Mummy does all sewing I need, no can do" then a woman came along so I asked her and she kindly sewed my shirt up. The chap has annoyed me with his sexist "Men shouldn't sew" talk, I was well capable before my accident

Walking

So I have just been out for a walk up and down the street and I noticed most of the time, except where there were metal bits on which I had to take care with my 'stick, most of the time I was walking as quickly with my right foot as I was with the left. And yes, I had to move my 'stick quicker than usual to keep up but I was definitely walking more 'evenly'

Tabs

Hoo-flippin'-ray, at last I figured out how to make new tabs appear how I want them. No Neil, not in the control panel like you have been looking for weeks, Tools->Options->Tabs it is in

Calendula

Duh, after a MOS seen it they said that the calendula that I bought last week is supposed to make your bath better so I went back online and bought some definitely ointment cream

Scared

So tomorrow I have booked a taxi to the dentist. From there I will book a taxi straight to the supermarket to do my weeks shopping. So I woke up s'morning and for some reason I thought I was waiting for my taxi from the dentist. And I thought I had forgotten to bring my bag of bags with me so I would need to either make a double taxi journey or buy a load more bags at Morrisons.
Luckily it was just a bad dream, but I had woken up first...

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Sleep, or lack of

So last night it felt as if I looked at the clock every twenty minutes or so, but I don't feel too tired today so I must have slept some

Washing

So this morning I took the sheets off my bed and washed them. I had to get some assistance as I couldn't cope with the anti-allergy under sheet as it was very creased.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Breathing

I told my sister about my asthma attacks when wiping my poo off, she said "Ahhh", popped in the shop on the way back tonight and bought some adult kind of Baby Wipes. I thought "Yeah but..." but I have just been to the loo and used them to clean my bum. No Asthma attack.
How strange

Dinner

Then we went out and had dinner, and my big sister was saying how important todays meeting had been and how I am moving on
AND she said that she would have to come back on Monday night to meet my next official visitor who is coming to see me on Tuesday

Solicitor

Well the solicitor who was supposed to be here got stuck in a traffic jam where both sides of the motorway were stopped today, round about Newport, a fire in a tunnel. But his assistant came and we did a huge meeting where they talked about how I am getting better etc
And they talked about how I am gonna be having a lot less paid for by Leonard Cheshire carers pestering me, ATM I am supposed to have 28 hours per week in future I will have just 7 hours but lots of support workers paid for by me effectively who aren't necessarily attached to here

Chartered Physio

And she came and saw me s'morning. As she was testing me for the claim she had to try me right up until I failed with much stuff. Which was scary but I did much more than I thought I was capable of first IYSWIM
And she reminded me, I shattered my right Tibial Plateau which was before I was remembering stuff

Nervous

So I am very nervous over my visitors today but my Dad and my sister insisted that there is no need "Don't panic Neil" so...... I am still panicking but "Shhh, don't tell anyone"...

Sleep is for the weak

So I went to bed about 12.30 last night, woke up for the 3rd or 4th time at 7.30 s'morning so I gave up and blinkin' got up then

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Waiting

So I am waiting for my sister to arrive in Cardiff airport, my father is there already....
And yes, they arrived, they seem more cheerful and positive than me but they remember how ill I was and how much better I am now, I don't
But I went out for dinner with them and I will see my father in't morning while my sister is interviewing Jackie then I will see her at lunchtime

New Strap

And the postman brought me a delivery today. A new ladies fine watch strap. As my neck was proving allergic to the strap of my caller I needed a new one, to fit somehow. And good lord, it does now

Water

I was in the back garden and I suddenly thought "Try the new water carrier". It was raining over the last 2 days so there should be summat in there. I was nervous but I reached down, turned the tap and loads of water came out. So I don't need to complain to anyone, it works!!

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Watching The Weather

Now it has been raining all day here. I looked at online weather chart and it said that it would stop raining by 6.00 and then start later again. Now I needed to put my bins out tonight so at about ten to six I ventured outside with the bins. And good lord, it was stopping raining. About 3 small drops landed on my nose then no more

Tum Ti Tum

Dull day, it's raining

Walkies again

This morning I got up, dressed, had breakfast, washed my teeth and did mouthwash, then went outside and walked from one end of the street (touch wall at end) to the other (touch second wall)

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Lord

What a knackering day. Firstly Denyse came round to chat for a bit then watch me shower. Which was very strange, speaking to a woman on the other side of the room while washing my bits etc, but we both managed. Phew. Then a new lady called Sarah came to see me. I think I was sort of interviewing her as my new Off Topic (or Occupational Therapist or summat they call themselves). I think it went reasonable well, she seems to share my twisted sense of humour and just generally comes from 'the right direction'. When they were leaving she said "See you later", I said "Alligator" then she replied "After a while crocodile". EG

Then just after they left Freya came to see me for her weekly visit but I felt too exhausted to properly do owt

More DVLA

So I got a letter said DVLA on the envelope s'morning. I gulped and opened it. It said "Come and be vision tested with this optician" so next Monday I have to phone them and make an appointment, then after my appointment fill in the form that was in the envelope and send it back to them

Monday, 7 February 2011

Fruit

So tonight for supper I had a banana, the first one that I remember eating in nearly 8 years. And what can I say, mmmm, I thoroughly enjoyed it, I recall why I used to enjoy 'em

Lavender Blue

And I complained a little today as both of the lavender oil that I ordered they are actually coming, I ordered 1 ages ago then it didn't come so I ordered another and today I was notified by both that they are coming. Then the MOS said "But you have some already, in your first aid box". Ah, oops, I had forgotten

Big Walk

So today I was looking at the path and asked a MOS to keep me company and catch me if I fell on the scary up and down bit but I managed to walk it OK. Then later without the MOS I went out, parked my wheelchair and walked from one end of the street to the other, and back.

Flooding

And as I had to wash out the small jam-pot before I put it in the recycling I was washing it under the tap. I thought "What's that noise?", looked down and the drainer had come off the sink so water was pouring out from below onto the kitchen floor. So I had to press the buzzer and shout "Help"

Monday Bloomin' Monday

So s'morning I went to the supermarket on the Dial-A-Ride bus again, I am still so impressed by it, it picks me up by my front door takes me to wherever I want and it's free. Anyway I got most of my shopping and some new mouthwash. I suspect you use it after you brush and it keeps your mouth germ free for hours. BUT after I got home was unpacking I realised that I forgot to buy lentils which I finished last week. I have got the rest of the ingredients waiting.... so I asked a MOS and he checked then said that a woman is taking a chap to Tesco later so she will be able to get me some. Phew
AND I found the ingredients for a Whiskey Mac too.....
And I bought a small pack of Bananas for myself, to try and break my addiction to sweets
And I bought a first course for me and Freya's dinner tomorrow

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Oh we have such fun......

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Going Out

And I asked a MOS where a shop was in Carmarthen and she told me of a new development. She said "I must take you around and just show you the new places etc". So tomorrow she is gonna look at my diary with me and make a date

Mad

Well I had the maddest dream last night, luckily it was just my mind going mad as opposed to my life going madder

Friday, 4 February 2011

Lunchtime

At lunchtime today I had a cheese and salad cream like I have been addicted to for a number of years now, but before I put the second bit of bread on top I put on a little chilli sauce. Mmmm, it was delicious

New Skill

See this "read the instructions" thingie? Might be a bit old fashioned but because I did I figured out how to record sound without taking a photo on my camera. It might seem strange but I worked it out

OK, the instructions I read weren't an actual "piece of paper" but are stored on my 'puter as a .pdf file

At Least

At going there a Dial~A~Ride bus came and picked me up from my flat, took me to outside the door for free

Podiatrist

Then s'morning I went to Pond St Health Centre to..... dunno what, my GP had referred me, basically he cut my toenails and we talked about foot care.

Weird

So I was awake last night from 3.3x to about 7.2x. Then I dropped off. Woke up again at 8.2x but initially it felt much later

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Book

And today my audio book copy of The God Of Small Things arrived. Except it was cheap because it is on 2 cassettes. Oh dear. In the cupboard under the stairs I had a tape player, that I couldn't life out. So I asked a MOS to help but then we discovered that no lead was attached. In about the 7th place I looked I found one. So hooray it works, I have listened to just side 1 so far, 3 more for tomorrow and the days after

Tai Chi

Well, it was a good class again, but I found it a bit frustrating as I needed to move my right arm loads. On one level my arm moves better than it did a few weeks ago, but on another (seems more urgent to me) it's f**ked.

(Weep)

And in the middle of this chaos my phone rang, I answered. It was Ruth said "Sorry, unexpected work, can't come and see you tonight" Tomorrow? I said "No, I'll be out at Medical Centre"

Hello

So this afternoon I went out my front door and I met a woman. She said "Neil, do you remember me?". I had to say "No who are you?". She pointed across the road at the rehab centre, said "Alex who works there, my son" Good lord yes, I recall now, so I had to stand up and give her a kiss on the cheek....

Dial~A~Ride

Good lord, Dial-A-Ride didn't phone me back today, I forgot to phone them until after 12.30 when they are officially closed. I phoned the number anyway and spoke to someone from the council, they said "He will contact you when he's back later". So I thought not looking promising for tomorrows trip to the Health Center so I'd better phone a Taxi. I had just finished that when he phoned me and said "Tomorrow and Monday is on". So I had to phone the Taxi back and say "Sorry, no need tomorrow"

Wheelchair Fixer

And the man came s'morning and replaced the broken stabilizer extra wheel on the back so hopefully I won't break one again

Cut It

And today I was making dinner and instead of my usual "straight edged" knife I used a serrated blade one and good lord but it was much easier to use, just sawing back and forward instead of just pushing down

Tai Chi today

And I woke up at 4 summat AM today and I don't think I dropped off again

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

I Got It Right

And tonight after reading more "how to" pages etc I tried a new webpage with sound on and it seems to work now, hoorah. OK it's not a very good practice page yet but at least it works now.
So does it work with different browsers etc?

Aah

And I was just getting the muesli out for my breakfast and I dropped it, so I had to clean up(*) before I ate breakfast
(*) Carpet sweeper, then hoover, then help from a MOS

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Link

Then I had to explore and find out how to make links underlined in my blog but I think it was easier than last time to change stuff in there

Awww

Then Freya came to visit me. Eventually, as the bus drove straight past her with her hand out at the bus-stop so she had to get the next bus to Carmarthen then walk to here. So she arrived I started reheating dinner, the curry that I made yesterday, and we were both nearly finished when Moishe came to fetch her. With her 30 month old son who thought I was a right weirdo

Interviewing

Well we interviewed my support worker to be this afternoon. It was mental being on this side of the bridge as it were. He laughed at my jokes, told me that he was trying to tell his wife a joke off my blog last night. Dunno yet, but he seems reasonably sound. If "everyone" else agrees we will offer him a job

Healthy, Wealthy, Wise

So I woke up, and went to the loo, at about 7 this morning. I went back to bed then, lay there thinking "What time is it now?" then gave up and got up about 7.50 (sigh)