Irish Humour

With a thick Irish accent please....

Q) Oh I'm desperate, what do you do about sex?

A) We keep our spuds in them

Ade

Gosh, what a mad/bizarre coincidence. Earlier I was out in my Dad's hotel, I asked him summat about my camera he didn't know but asked a chap who was working taking pics of the wedding. We got chatting and he said "Gosh yes, I was nearly dead 10 years ago when I had a major heart attack, well done for getting better, keep it up etc". He used to be a fireman but had to retire as he was in bed for 4 years. But now he is well enough to work as a photographer

Visit

And as my Dad said "What shall we do s'afternoon?" I took him around where I lived years ago, I thought we should.... after but it was too dark, at 4.30 s'afternoon

Then we went out and had a delicious meal in town somewhere, where the staff now say "Hello again" to us, how sad must we seem

FTP

And thanks to Stuarts help/advice I managed to get my FTP program to work once again, so I could put stuff "up" on my website once more

Intimidated

So I got up at about 8.15 today. My Dad is coming over to see me later as he is gonna be sitting in a the meeting tomorrow with my assessor. Gosh, I am feeling a bit intimidated but I am sure it will be fine

Erm...

Yes...

?

Fun AND exercise

DFK

So here I am relaxing in my room late. WHAT A.....

So I went to Day Hospital today and the instructor was being half way really dead pleased at my progress and half way being "Well in that case keep up this progress be doing this until it hurts" and it works.

Then Toby my precious firstborn child came to see me for the first time in months. We talked, he has fu*ked up again in his new place and all circumstances have really gone mad around him so he is now against his will staying with Julia and her new chap BUT WE REALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW HE FUCKED UP AND WAS NOW REALLY TRYING ALL THE TIME TO MAKE IT WORK he is nearly a grownup now. &c etc

Then a MOS came in and cared.

Then I had some dinner.

Then....

Then...

Then my Dad phoned and said see you on Sunday as I have just received notification of your assessors coming on Monday to see you

Then...

....Then...

Grated Cheese

And I opened and tried my new packet of grated cheese today, gosh it made making a pizza easier!!!

Toby

Then later my firstborn son came to see me. What can I say, I haven't seen him for a couple of months and he came today. After we had admired each other etc we got talking, I had to tell him be rebellious most of the time if that's what you want/need but when it gets scary just say "Sorry, won't be that stupid again". Even if you are lying you need to tell 'em that. After we both talked I feel a smidge more secure, he fuc*ed up when I had my accident, continued to do so for ages but perhaps, perhaps, he now knows etc

L8R

Then later after I phoned him and said "When r u coming?", he sais in an hour

Well

Well later I was taken off to Priory and did all my stuff. When I was there I showed him my hand being straight and he was quite pleased, as it is because I am doing so much in my own time apparently

Scared

Good lord, I got up I am waiting for the Ambulancve to take me to hospital and FTPing wouldn't work any more. I had to "system restore" to make it all work again. And it is still first thing in't flippin' morning

Blinkin' Flip - Geetaring

Well, I have just had another play on my guitar, I am still shit at it but it is sounding so much better then before, like loads better than I was at it a couple of weeks ago.

Lentils

So I cooked a curry, an onion, most of a packet of mushrooms, in oil to fry, then water and a packet of stir fry veg and curry powder. I didn't look right. Last time I was in the kitchen it ocured to me, lentils, now it looks much nicer

Scared

S'morning I got up etc about 7.30. Now it felt really strange still wearing a splint on my right hand. It had felt really odd going to bed last night and equally odd, or odder, waking up s'morning to find my hand still all wrapped up in summat.

Now s'morning I had my brekky etc and now I am waiting for the taxi to t'dentist, as one of my temporary fillings fell out so I have a great big hole in front of the other half of a front(ish) premolar

Well it is done now, no pain etc, she did another temporary filling and made arrangements for an extraction when I am back for a "proper" appointment in January

Heat

And I have just been outside, and while it was still chilly it was much warmer than earlier. A MOS passed and agreed with me

Lord

Well I got up dead early s'morning, waited for ages, eventually my lift to Priory Day Hospital arrived, went there and had about an hour Physio on my right arm. Then another MOS saw me and made a "when you are in bed" splint for my hand to keep it better. Then I waited for the Ambulance. Then I waited. Then they phoned. Then I waited some more. Then they phoned again. Etc. Eventually I got picked up and brought home, it was dark!!! There was a serious road accident apparently, caused the confusion

Aargh

Gosh, me and Freya had words sort of.... I just initially asked her if we could stop listening to "love songs" as it did my head in, as I used to love her mother and it went pear shaped. She said "But it was 7.5 years ago" which to her might be more than half her life but to me as I was unconscious or barely concious for ages it still seems modern to me, but she has a new dad and brother who she loves.....

Healthy, Wealthy, Wise

So I went to bed about 11.30 last night and woke up, and got up, at about 6.30 s'morning

Out

And we are going to "Headway" again tonight

And loads a point in going to there there was,mmm. I had a coffee and "some" mince pies, listened to them reading out the minutes from last time and that was it, lets go home

And I was talking to a MOS who took us last night, I said that by normal standards I am very ill but by the standards of 'here' I am very well. He agreed and called me a "Lucky bastrad" and said there was no reason or logic in it

Shopping

Well, a taxi came and took me to the supermarket s'morning, I bought my weeks shopping and all went well. Then a different taxi took me home and dropped off my stuff and me. I opened the front door and took my stuff in. Then I realised, I had 4 carrier bags at the shop there are only 3 now. So I phoned the taxi company back and they said "Hang on, we will check....... Oh yes here it is, we will bring it to you ASAP". So here I am, still waiting....

And he brought it back, was most appologetic about it being between the chairs, he said "What's frozen, I will take it off you and nip to the shop and replace it" which was fine except I then then had to say "Nothing - it was in the other bag". But at least I got it all in the end and he grovelled a bit

Up

So I woke up and got up an hour a quarter before my alarm clock went off this morning

S'evening

And I am still up this evening

Up and At 'Em

Well, this morning I got up......

Jar Crisis

So I had a new jar of gherkins to open to start them with my lunch. I tried to open them but no, it was stuck. So I went and got my opening jars tool from the kitchen, but no, the jar lid was too big. So I buzzed, a man and a woman came. They both tried, neither of them could open it either. They said all other staff were all women so no one stronger was there. So phew, it wasn't just me, but I couldn't open my new jar of pickles. I said "OK, c ya" and went in to eat my lunch. There was a knock on the door it was another female MOS. She said "My granny taught me this" and banged it upside down on the floor, and then opened my jar of pickles.

Every day you learn summat

Changing

So I got up s'morning took the covers off my bed, put them in't washing machine, had breakfast and tried to fit the new duvet cover, 1 corner I had got up, tried to do the other and couldn't untangle it. Tried for about 8 minutes, no can do. So I buzzed, got a MOS to help and it took him ages too, but in the end it is fitted. All I need to do now is finish my coffee and fit the sheet.

Blinkin' Flip

Gosh, I am knackered now, busy day

Denyse

Then we did loadsa talking about important stuff etc. Easiest if I just show u what she left. "Why I am looking for a voluntary placement?

Why? To give me routine. To give me practice "job"bing. To prove that I can keep a routine commitment. Practicing talking to folk and being appropriate. Stop being bored. Use my skills and interests. Another opportunity to practice walking and using hand. More confidence.

Grasslands Trust. )
Wildlife Trust Of S Wales ) Denyse is gonne phone them/factfinding arrange a visit
Wildlife And Wetlands Trust )

Aim to go once a week with a support worker which we need to find.

I will be able to take holidays

Cash will be provided"

Chopping Board

Then I just had time to unwrap my new chopping board then Denyse, my case manager came to see me

Arm

Gosh it seems like days ago, but then I went to't Day Hospital and worked on my hand/arm. He sounded really positive about how much progress I am making etc. And yes, it hurt, no pain no gain

Aargh

So at about 6AM s'morning I had woken half up when suddenly the door was knocked. I thought "Nah", lay there for about 5 minutes then gave up and got up. I opened the door, no sign of anyone. So I 'buzzed' for help, said "Who knocked my door so early?" and he said "No one, I was out having a fag and I know there was no one. But the roof makes a knocking sound, might have been that?" pointing at the roof outside. Dunno but I was up very early today

Using My Right Hand

Just now I had a wash in the bathroom. When I was washing my left armpit I was casually cleaning it when it occurred to me, "Blinkin' flip, you are using your right hand to do that, you haven't been able to for a number of years". I was just casually using it again, obviously summat knows!!!

It's not over yet. For Andy(1)

Scary story from Ireland, just goes to show that some bitter folk still exist

(1) Re "Clucking bell"

Where is it?

But it's melting outside...

Forms

So then I was able to taxi to the PO to hand in my forms, the application for a bus pass. After I queued for ages in the PO I suddenly realised that I needed to take some photographs to go on the form which I then did. All was well, now waiting to hear from CCC about my bus pass, then I'd better take a MOS with me to try it first.

Forgetful

So I was in bed lying awake this morning, thinking not much as I had just woken up, when suddenly my alarm clock went off. I switched it off and thought "WTF?". Slowly got up still wondering why it had gone off, I was eating my breakfast slowly minding my own business when I suddenly occurred to me "Hurry up Neil, taxi is coming to take you to the post office". Oh yes, that's right, whoops, forgotten

No Breath

I have just been outside at about 11PM and I had no visible breath, it is obviously much warmer than it has been for a while

A Phone Call

And this afternoon I had a phone call from Brian, my ex-father-in-law and he asked me what I am doing about Xmas as him and Rita are coming down to stay with Julia in her new house and he wants to see me too.

Up Early

So I got up at the scrake of day to go to Day Hospital. I waited for the Ambulance to take me. Them waited some more. Then I phoned and said "Am I on your list?". She said "Hold tight, you are next"

I was going to park my wheelchair and walk again but as soon as I went in the door a man called me so I just stayed sitting down.

When I was there we were working at my right hand, good lord, it is so much better, I can now bend it backwards, like I couldn't do last week. Like loads better

But I am slightly nervous about going on Friday because we are making progress but it hurts, flipping loads. No pain, no gain so I'd better keep it up

Prog Rock

I seem to have moved on from Punk now to Prog Rock. I have been listening to Marillion tonight. And good god, despite the fact that much of my memory is a bit wonky I remembered all the words, for songs that I haven't heard in a number of years

Came To See Me

And a beautiful visitor came to see me today which was nice. For dinner we had summat I had made and couscous with stuff in it. I may have cooked it before but I haven't cooked it for a number of years now and it was delicious

Sex

Pistols. Yes, I have bought 4 albums of them today, dunno why my head was being punk but it was/is

Aargh

Thought there was supposed to be a blizzard last night?

But anyway, I feel trapped, I am moderately immobile at the best of times and I am stuck now, I can't even go and put my bin out tomorrow

Dusk

So about 4.45 tonight I went outside to look at the dusk and what was there in the sky outside my front door? A star - at 4.45PM

Shopping

So because they were too scared to let me go off in the snow to the shops alone today I was accompanied by Tristram another veggie who can't be taking ages to cook. He spent most of the time saying "Have you tried this, or this?" etc . Because he was nagging I spent about a tenner extra this week. Couscous seems to have attracted my attention this week, and some other stews etc. The veggie stuff seems to cook in about 5 minutes so it is easy...

And when we were in't supermarket today an announcement came over "Will the owner of car registration plate "CY570 NTH" please come and....". I want it

Cleaning

So this morning I was sitting in my PC chair and I noticed that the screen on my PC was grubby, loads of "bits" on it so I got a damp cloth and had to clean most of it

ETB, ETR....

Well I went to bed at about 10 past 12 last night and woke up again so I got up at about 7.30 s'morning.....

Strange Buying

And I looked online for ages to find a Pocket Sized thermometer to see how cold it is when outside etc. I looked and looked and looked, was just about to give up then found a cheap "whistle" that when I read a bit more is a multifunction thermometer. Now I don't suppose I will whistle much but a thermometer for a couple of quid, excellent

Sport

And I found myself watching sport on't telly again. Dunno, it seems more up to date, it doesn't matter that I have watched very little telly recently

Turn

And today I asked again and this time the third person that I asked actually knew the answer to my question and actually knew how to switch my heating up.

I am a smidge upset that 2 MOS didn't know because the central heating is 'theirs', not summat that I own/had fitted

Tap

So I got up s'morning, went into the kitchen and turned the tap on to fill the kettle. Nothing came out. I was just about to shout "Help" when suddenly it started, about 5 seconds after I had turned it on. Now it's back to normal, switching on instantly like a proper tap, so dunno

Oh Dear

Didn't We Have A Lovely Time... (noisy)

Sorry.

But I asked a chap s'morning if Dan The Haircutting Man was about. He said "It's me!", so embarrasingly enough he then said that he has got to take somebody to hospital this afternoon but after that he will tidy up my (now) scruffy long mohawk

And he did it, it looks not half bad

Weekend Now

So I woke up and got up s'morning. Today I am being lazy and wheel-chairing

Gad

So I got up early and took myself to Priory Day Hospital s'morning in a flippin' taxi because someone had contacted here and told them there were no Ambulavan's available. Yes, it was very scary being out in the snow but I coped. Unlike everyone else there, they closed early. So I phoned another taxi, they said "No, sorry, schools are out early, no cabs available, so I phoned yet another taxi company and they said "OK!", thought "Oh, I was looking forward to lunch" etc. I phoned the taxi company back and said "Where's my cab", they said "Sorry, chaos everywhere, we will phone you when your taxi is coming". So I was the only client there eating lunch, but I did enjoy it.

ObAnd I didn't see any Ixies (or anyone) riding a bike today from my taxi.

When I eventually got back here a MOS said "Ah there was a parcel delivered to you today, I will get it", got my parcel out and said "20 minutes after you left in a taxi an Ambulavan was here looking for you". So AARGH. I phoned Priory and said "Right, next Wed. if it doesn't come I am not paying for a flippin' cab again" and she said "Fairy nuff"

Iechyd Da Folk Club

I am off out in a bit..... to the hole in the wall first then to Iechyd Da

And wasn't it fun tonight, I need to go to bed almost immediately

Fear

And a MOS has just told me that a chiropodist is coming this afternoon to cut my flippin' toenails. I assume we will arrange to see her again in 6 weeks or so too

And just WOW. A woman called Gaynor came to see me, cut all of my toenails and my feet feel so much better now. On the right foot she explored a bit (as I had an infection in my left big toe) and found under the toenail was a folded bit of more toenail, an infection in a month or so, but she fixed it today

ETB, ETR....

Well I got up at 8.40 today, not having gone to bed until about 1 AM s'morning....

Teeth

And I saw a MOS today that I trust and said "My temp. filling has come out should I leave it for the 6 weeks until my next appointment?" but she said "No, phone your dentist tomorrow"

Which I did and made another appointment

Footy

Well I actually sat and watched Rangers play Man U tonight, but they lost

Lord

So I got up early s'morning and went to "the exercises for my right arm" at hospital. But it hurt loads all the stretching I was doing but "Wow" my right arm is better already and it will get even better when I go again on Friday etc

But there is a problem, no ambulance available on Friday so can I please take a taxi. So yes for Friday but I am not paying for any more

L8R

So I walked into the kitchen s'morning, stayed walking until this afternoon, again. Then later I was thinking "Where's Freya?", phoned her Mum, she said "Should be with you". I waited for another 15mins, phoned J again, she said "She must be on her way home". So I gave up, turned around and was just starting tio leave when she arrived. She had missed one bus and had to wait for another. But she came. Then, when she was here I cooked the first stir~fry that I have stirred for about 7½ years, mmmmm

Up Again

And I am up at 9.15AM today..... still feel a bit trapped here but....

Oops

And whoops, didn't mean that. So I was going to make me a coffee when "something" hit the pot too hard and broke it. Aargh, and I was at the shop s'morning. So I have ordered a new one which will be delivered on Wednesday, instant coffee 'til then

And luckily I bought an extra jar of instant for whatever reason last week. Obviously I knew

Up and Out

So got up s'morning and went shopping in Morrisons. It all went well until I was home when I noticed the BB today on my salad which I had bought for the week. (Sigh) The staff know I want summat, they will ask me when somebody is going

(Scream)

And I am not, as I did every illness to affect me in nearly 40 years, gonna get better and go back to my life. That life has gone now and I am working towards a new life

Filling

And one of my temporary fillings fell out of my tooth tonight. At a guess I will leave it as I have an appointment with the dentist in 7 weeks

Still not going

Whoops

And I spoke to my sister today, she said "Don't go yerself" she is gonna go. On Wednesday after Ian (her husband) and her have just come back from an Aunties Funeral

Sigh

So I walked into the kitchen again s'morning...... I will be on my own two feet 'til this afternoon

Aaaah

And my internet banking is broken!!!

Still Thinking About It

YES!!!

Tidying

So yesterday I had to brush my path by the lawn as it was fulla leaves. Now it looks a bit healthier, so today I took some photos

Sleep

And so s'morning I didn't get up 'til 9.15AM, Saturday layabout

In Need

I turned my telly on earlier got Children In Need and I am still watching it, a number of hours later

My Head

So I am thinking ~ "What does my future hold? What shall I do with the rest of my life?".

So I am not leaving here to get my life back, I am getting a new life

Up Again

Well, so I got up and walked to the kitchen again. My new hobby, walk every morning, chair in the afternoon

New Plan

So rather than walking every other day I think I will walk each morning and rest in the afternoon

(Dunno)

Up

Well I got up today and walked in to get my breakfast etc. Walked

Excited

So today I am a bit excited as to making a stir fry tonight

Simple ingredients

And it was delicious

Opener

And tonight I tried to twist summat, couldn't twist it, get it in my opener and then open it, no problem

Over now

Gosh, long day, busy day but for the "first time today" I have been catching up on Ixion sat here

ETR....

So s'morning I got up at about 5.15AM, walked to the loo, walked back, went to bed to try and sleep for a bit and dropped off, to my surprise, until 9.40AM ~ a lie in!!!

1, 2, 3

And today I retried putting a close this sign in a webpage but I realized
it must be an extra opened window not the main, first, one

Forgot

Went shopping, bought salad, a pepper, mushrooms, forgot to buy fryable veg, at a guess I can fry loadsa mushrooms & and have that with oven chips, I have got summat else to experiment with when Freya comes on Tuesday

Stir Frying I believe now I have thought of it

Well

Up half an hour before my alarm clock(s) today, ahh

And in another hour my taxi to take me shopping is due

Look

So even tho I got a see your Doctor letter off the DVLA t'other day, I don't think I am gonna rush as A) I can't afford a car yet and B) I am still getting better and I have an appointment with the eye specialist early next year, for now patience

Sigh

Yes, I'm still here......

Sleep

So I woke went to bed about 1AM s'morning, up at about 5.10 walked into the bathroom, had a piss, walked back, thought "Shall I get up?" then thought "Nah, too early ~ try", got into bed and actually went back to sleep, I didn't wake up again 'til 9.15

Radio 7

And tonight I tried for the first time in ages and I am well impressed. Listening to Dad's Army ATM

My Right Knee

So today I can walk but when I am doing so my right knee is hurting in a way it wasn't before. Lets hope it just gets better by itself

It seems to have not hurt when I was making lunch, so..... dunno

Walkies

So I got up s'morning and walked into the kitchen without my walking stick. Long may it continue...

And today I feel better at walking than I did t'other day, so I am getting better again

And yes, I am still walking after lunch, unlike t'other day....

Sleep

And last night I went to bed about midnight (I was flipping knackered) and actually slept s'morning until 8AM

Eyes

So I was outside tonight and I thought "Try my eye again", took off my patch, thought "Flip!!!! So as my my eye is usually under an eyepatch or I'm asleep, WTF is it improving? Too much to think about

L8R

So later I felt absolutely knackered because I had gotten up so early but there is no point going to bed early as I will wake up even earlier tomorrow

Botox

The ambulance taxi arrived and took me to the hospital where they were going to inject me. Both Doctors were there, 1 the chap I saw on Tuesday and 2 the chap that I haven't seen for about 3 years. First of all number 2 was really impressed with how much progress I made in that time. They had a conference about my arm and did decide to inject me. So Doctor 1 got 4 syringes ready and injected it into 2 muscles. As of yet it hasn't made much difference but I will wait and see

Actually no, just stretching on the table and possibly it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, as in the tightness is going

ETB, ETR....

Gosh, I got up at 5.30AM this morning but it may be because I am eager to go to hospital.... which I will, in hours

Visitors

Then later this afternoon that Han who I first met yonks ago and her boyfriend MRFS who I have known thru Ixion for some years but never met in the flesh came to visit. Han said "You won't remember last time I came to visit you, you were still in hospital". She also said that the last time she saw me I hadn't relearned how to speak, I could make a couple of noises but not recognizable as speech. They both also said how much better my Ixion posts are recently, I have learned partly how to communicate once more.

Gosh, I feel close to tears just trying to express how it was to see them

And I was speaking to a MOS earlier and I said that "This beautiful woman and her BF were coming to see me later" and yes, I was right, she is

Cripples

And when I got back today there was a message from Lucy saying Jackie asked her to send this, blinking flip, he's a disabled punk

S'morning

So after brekky today I was taken off to the Day Hospital to see the chap who is hoping to inject my arm with Botox tomorrow. We had to talk for ages, he was asking me loadsa questions which he will repeat hopefully in a few weeks to see how different my right arm feels

Well

Well I still got up and was having my breakfast when my alarm clock went off. Up tomorrow too. So I went to the hospital today and we had to talk about all sorts of stuff so he will be able to see if tomorrows injection has worked or not. Then we did some stretching etc, I will see the same chap at another hospital tomorrow